Hands & Feet

At this point in my life, if you were to ask me "what do you like about yourself?" I would respond with "not much" 

but if I had to choose, I'd say

"My feet"

You might think it strange, but it's true. 

For the longest three years of my life, my feet were my nearest and dearest friends. 

I was the girl who sat by herself because she let the people who whispered and giggled about her define her. 

So instead of making friends at recess, I stood off to the side, careful not to make eye contact with anyone. So I stared at my feet. 

I memorized the way my feet looked in my shoes, walking to class. 

I mapped out my schedule in the shoelaces on my sneakers 

When I finally took a moment after three years to look up, I no longer recognized the world around me. 

There were new people to meet and befriend and suddenly, 

the years of staring at my feet were lost from my muscle memory as my feet marched me up to a stranger and my hand stuck itself out there like the last remaining leaf on a limb and I introduced myself. 

"Hi."

That's the other thing I like about myself. 

My hands.

I don't necessarily like the way that my fingers are disproportionately longer than the palms of my hand and how my fingers are so round at the bottom,

But I like the very idea of hands. 

The same hands that hold the axe that cuts me down can

Hold out to me a key 

With which I can set myself free

From the bondage of loneliness.

The hands that push me down 

can set me back on my feet.

The same hands that can take a life

Can save it.

The hands that say no 

Can also open up and become welcoming.

Sometimes my hands speak for me. 

They write without my consent

They create and they destroy.

It's not my hands that are beautiful, 

but the things they can do. 

If my feet had not marched my unwilling self

up to my future best friend, and 

If my hands had not been open to 

Creation rather than destruction,

I would not be the girl with 

long fingers and weird curled toes

Who stands before you, begging you;

Don't try to love yourself just for the way you look

 Love the beautiful endless possibilities you are capable of. 

Fix It

There is so much pain 
So many things  I cannot change.
My fingers cannot stretch wide enough
To catch all the things I want to fix
In fact,
Next to none of it fits.
I am hurt by the hurt I can't heal
Being able to help makes the pain less real.
All I want to do is help,
but I'm stuck inside an inner hell
With all the pain I can't take away
Haunting me every moment of every day.
All I  can do is try
To smile and continue with life
Because even if there is so much filth and I can't fix it
In all of this, there is beauty buried in it
Beauty made out of patience and growth
Of not walking through this alone.
There  is hurt here. But there is a glimmer too
Of a hope that we will all make it through
prettier
stronger
better
.

Slow Dance

The moment the music begins, he smiles at me
I suddenly become aware of how heavily I'm breathing
We stand facing one another- I'm slightly overwhelmed -
one hand on his shoulder and the other gently held
And we dance. We sway.
The worries of the world wash away.
Euphoria swims through my veins and I begin walking on clouds
I might be dizzy, but I might not be coming back down.
We dance and spin
All I can do is grin
The world around goes dim
And all I see is him.

Too soon, the music draws to a close
We stand back and smile
And ride this feeling for a while

Chocolate

People compare things that are deep and blue to the ocean
But I am from North Carolina. The ocean is brown.
Brown like chocolate. And happy. Like
... days at the beach. No worries. Nothing
But the warm sunshine on my face.
The sea breeze speaks to me in a sugary voice
That tickles my ears and makes me laugh.
The breeze is sweeter than honey and sweeter than chocolate.


I could get lost in that brown ocean.
I could drown in the brilliant, smiling sun.
I could survive on chocolate.

And I might even share it with someone.

Fly Away

Fly away from me,
Ma cherie.
I'll love you when you're 10,000 miles away
Just the same
As if you were simply still a phone call away.

Fly away from me, no longer near
Darling, dear
I'll miss you and I might wait up at night
They say keep up, the end is yet in sight
and I say "where?"
You may say it is right there,
But I do not care
If it reaches up an bites me.
It is not tomorrow and it wasn't today
And, still somehow I must be okay.

First Day of Autumn

It's the first day of Autumn
Many leaves have already fallen
Golds and Yellows ignite the hills
There's a pulsing wind that never stills
The first day of autumn is a celebration
Filled with bright colors and such elation
The sun sets sooner, the changing times
Full of poetry and cheesy rhymes.
As the day draws to a close, so do my eyes
As I breathe steadily and breathe goodbye; "until next time."

New Beginnings

After ten long years of being her

I am now the new girl.

I am now in unfamiliar territory.

I am among a million new stories. 

While I am no longer in a majority -
No longer in a bubble of safety.

These are the new beginnings
A new life; a new thing
A new chapter in this book
A new location, a new look.

New beginnings, new uncertainties.
New chapter, new me.

Day 30: Finale

Finally a finale, a tale to end

A recollection of time well-spent

Emotions well recorded 

And life reordered 

Lots of things can change in little time

But you will always be mine

And that is fine—

Just fine. 

Day 29: kindness

Random acts of kindness

Shine brighter than the sun

At the moment they choose to show up

And shower you with love

Because love-you can't get enough of. 

Day 28: Itch

An itch is like a need

Unfulfilled is unsatisfactory

But sometimes it's for the best

Even if you're under stress 

Don't give you cravings what they want

Because what you keep in will come out to haunt

You and leave a scar or two

A distinct line between me and you

Day 27: Scripted

What if life were scripted
Perfectly planned each day
Each line carefully rehearsed
Like some well-attended, popular play
Going through the motions is doing it again
Maybe add a little improv too
But be carefully what you add and take
Because this is from the writer's view
The writer controls the story
but the characters make the choice
The character chooses the words to say
The writer gives them the voice
It's a beautiful relationship
Symbiotic and balanced
So sit back and enjoy the show
And away we go...

Day 26: Choices

Not far ahead lies an open road

A future full of the unknown

A future full of choices to determine your path

A future that continues in spite of a broken past

No matter what you do,

Keep on moving through

Keep a smile on your face

And keep up a decent pace 

The race is long

But keep moving on

And I promise

You will finish strong

Day 25: Saturday Naps

Saturday naps on a long car ride

Carry my thoughts away

Into a void of meaningless dreams 

—where I like them to stay

The droning of the road

Flying under our tires

Fades into the back

As my dreams and fantasies 

Come to life in the black

The pit stops and meals

Are a mere intermission

A break from the goal

 Because my mission

Is to catch up on sleep

Missed from all last week

Even though

I know

It doesn't work that way. 

Day 24: Dance With Me

Dance with me darling,

Twirl until the night

Carries our troubles away

Come with me, darling

Dance with me and you might

Find everything is okay

Yes, everything is just fine

When you are with me

The world stands still

When you say, "you're mine"

I can clearly see

Things happen the way they will

Not much just happens by chance

So, my darling, just ask me to dance. 

Day 23: Celebration

I love the candle on top of a cake

I love laughter and memories made

In a day of celebration, mirth, and joy

A day where nothing angers or annoys

A perfect day, sunny and fair

Musical laughter in the air

I love the days we celebrate

The years that suddenly accumulate

With memories that fly right by

And if you don't stop and take the time

To appreciate

And celebrate

Then what's in a day

I go out of my way

To remember 

At least one thing?

And today, we celebrate 

Day 22: Poetry in Motion

They say a dancer is poetry in motion

If she is poetry, there are a million dancers in my head

Some quickly exit the stage

And I never have a chance to put them on a page

Others stay stuck on one motion

A couplet I can't be rid of

While some pieces compose themselves perfectly

And I can capture their poetry with certainty 

The way they appear

Nothing else added

But some are up for debate, free to take apart

It's all subjective - it's called art

Day 21: Four

Four minutes until the end of this class

Four hours until the end of the day

Four days until the end of this week

Four weeks until graduation

Four corners on my big white hat

Four inches on my stark white heels

Four steps up onto the stage

Four months until a major change

Half of four is two

Two days until 18

Four years of change ahead

Four years in a different bed

Four years of new smiles and new friends

Four years ahead

Four is a good number. 

Day 20: To Do List

There are too many projects

still left to do.

Too many call me

beckoning

Sitting in a growing pile in my mind. 

Good projects, just too many in too little time.

Maybe I can check off one percentage of one today.

Maybe another tomorrow.

Maybe I can put aside my fractured motivation and do something.

Apathy.

I blame a severe case of apathy

for my lacking work. 

The longer the to do list,

The angrier the apathy.

He is manically uncaring.

Wildly stoic.

He growls. Snoring. Roaring.

As I check one project off, he chuckles,

Motioning to the towering pile.

It teeters.

He grins.

I turn back to my to do list, pen in hand. 

Day 19: Speak

I have a billion words inside my head

Lots of people would rather speak them instead

Of thinking about them and what they mean

And how they relate to everything

But me, those billion words stay upstairs

In a solitary place where no one cares 

To listen to them but me 

They live inside this fantasy

That I fondly call my mind

All these words are holed up inside 

And I can't always let them out

Even though they're ready to shout

The walls upstairs are often soundproof

It's safer that way, if I were telling the truth

Because if they began to come out in waves

I couldn't stop them, there's nothing I could say

To slow down the eager words

Holed up for so long, nowhere to turn

Day 18: Rocking Chair

The rocking chair goes back on forth

Propelled by human force

This chair has held generations 

Of people before 

Me and before my brother

This chair rocked my uncle and mother

Soundly to sleep every night

And now the chair is right

Where it's supposed to be

Safely here, holding me. 

Day 17: Bend

Lying in bed

Thinking of everything I've ever said

Isn't very encouraging

But I won't let it hinder me  

From living out my life

After all, it's mine

Still, regrets drag you down

But keep your eyes off the ground

To fly

It's all right 

When my whole world starts to shake 

I may bend but I won't break

These bones are worn but they are strong

Since they've held up all along

I don't think I'll break quite yet

I won't bow down and just say yes

I will bend, but you can't break me

Come on at me, I'm here waiting

Take everything you wanna take

You might bend me but I won't break. 

Day 16: Sick Days

Chills and aches
and sinus pain
not much more to write
calling it a night.

Day 15: Letter to a Legend

They never said it would be easy when you put on your cape
They never told you the mask isn't for humility, but safety
You see, people don't always like heroes
So you're better off if no one knows
And they don't tell you about the loneliness in leadership
And how sleep no longer comforts you at night
Evil never sleeps, so neither do you
Because there is always so much to do
"It's all in a day's work" no longer applies to you
But it will be okay – just look at those who lived this life too
They are legends
Immortally preserved as role models
You could join them one day.
Unless...
Unless you fail
"What if I do indeed fail?
Fall from heroism?"
There's always that chance
Many fall before one flies
But so many choose to try
And test their luck –
Maybe they could be the one
The one that flies
The legend.

Day 14: envy

The big green monster inside of me

Introduces himself as Envy

With his closest friend, Pride,

Always by his side. 

I don't want them as my friends, but they leave me no choice

As they make lots of fuss to drown out my voice

I want to feel joy for the accomplishment of others

But Pride and Envy in my chest are closer than lovers

You could've done better, that could be you

Because you've got her talent times two

Don't cry out for help, you're strong enough alone

You don't need their pity and you don't need to go home

You just keep your head up, keep on keeping on

And cherish your memories before they're gone. 

Day 13: Monday

Mondays cut the weekend off with no cushioned blow

How the week might go from here, nobody knows. 

Day 12: Sunday Naps

Sunday naps on my favorite couch

Enjoying the summer shade

A summer breeze comes in and out

I could lie like this for days. 

Sunday naps are a school year favorite

Pretending like Mondays don't exist

It doesn't last long, so be sure to savor it

Before making your week groceries list. 

Day 11: A Journey

They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

But maybe on my journey, I don't quite trust myself

To take that step in the right direction

And reach a point beyond correction

And become so very lost

Like a sailboat in an angry sea, I'm tossed

Unable to right myself

Unable to tighten my sails

And brush myself off and move on

Maybe that point is long gone. 

But I — I am a fighter

And I will come out of this one battle lighter

And shake off the dust

Recover until I must

Continue moving on

Continue staying strong

I am a fighter on this journey

And I will appreciate all the lessons I'm learning

Along the way

For every day's a new day

Day 10: Brothers

They're there to tug in your braids

And make fun of you for not being brave

And to be annoying when your rope is short

And to kick you out of your pillow fort

But maybe they aren't all so bad

Even when they make you really mad

They are there to hold your broken heart

To help you piece it back together and start

Over again, at square one

To hold the light when there is no sun

They're usually there whenever they're needed

And sometimes, you're the one needed

It's a mutual relationship, sustained by blood

But don't forget the bond of love 

Though brothers and sisters don't always get along

When one is weak, the other is strong. 

Day 9: His Smile

His eyes met mine

In a moment so divine

The planets aligned

And the stars came out to shine

His mouth curled up

In a perfect shape

Symmetrical

Yet crooked

The beautiful boy with a beautiful smile

And a beautiful soul passed my by

And I had a feeling that was the list time

His eyes would meet mine

As we parted ways. 

Day 8: Sand Between My Toes

The sand between my toes

Feels right, like sunshine

Sand rolls out where little grows

In a land bathed with light

Haunted by the sound

Of the sea who can't be with her lover

Her lover is the Sun-bathed ground

They truly love each other

But are pulled apart after every embrace

So she sings her mournful song

With no words, the melody remains

And for the shore, she'll always long. 

Day 7: Disappointment

If there's one thing I can teach you,

One thing at all

It's that, throughout life, disappointments will reach you

Some big, some small

And if you let them rule your life

Everyone will know

For they'll see the anger in your eyes

And in the way you don't show

Compassion and patience in a situation

The way they know you should

So make the most of every occasion

And choose to focus on the good

For in the good, you easily find

Beauty is all around

Just don't cast a wary eye behind

Or listen to the sound

Of naysayers bringing their woes

It only dims the light

If you remain where beauty and kindness grows

The truth will remain bright. 

Day 6: Sunburn

Isn't it funny how that which give life

That can warm and photosynthesize

Can destroy and cause pain?

Irony is its name. 

It leaves us scratching our heads

Wandering if it's what we did instead

That caused the pain, that caused the burn

But, oh, my darling, there's so much to learn

Never say you're  sorry for what you didn't do

Even though the world will place the fault in you

Keep your head up high and fight another day

Because you will always find a way

To see the bright side of things

It's why God gave you those wings

Not to sit around and blame yourself

But to go out and do something, and do it well. 

You see, love is like the sun

It gives a lot, but can hurt you some

But even when it burns, remember

That when you decide to love, you enter

A very different state of mind

That gives and gives this funny thing called life. 

Day 5: inside my comfort zone

Inside my comfort zone, everything is within reach. 

Also, covered in pleasant water and white sand is my beach

Just before is a comfy blue home

Built medium-tall with a rounded dome

And a turret of my favorite books

Comfortable stories each have their nook

And a plush couch of cotton - not too warm

Still in the sun of my window, picturesque southern charm

There are no bullies here, nor inconsistent souls

So sometimes it's just me and my lonely windows

With the perfect sand between my toes. 

And the perfect wind chills my nose

It's kind not to stay too long and ruin the perfect day

Inside my little comfort zone, everything goes its perfect way. 

Day 4: Fin (a haiku)

Out there in the deep

Blue sea, there's a little fin

Waving, greeting me.  

Day 3: Late Night Drive

KDriving on into the night

Illuminated by a full moon's light 

Sun roof open, late night breeze

The only music is the wind whistling through the leaves

And the laughter of two lovers

Seeking adventures among others 

Seeking purpose and fate

Through whatever comes their way. 

Two star-crossed lovers under a starry sky

Laugh as they drive on into midnight. 

Day 2: Ingredients

As I look at this fragile world, I think

Maybe this world is made of porcelain

So smooth and yet on the brink

Of falling and breaking over and over again 

There are old stains on the pure white

Stains that do not fade with time

A stain can appear within one night

Without reason nor rhyme

Still the porcelain gleams

Beautifully

As she shows her polished, pieced-back-together smile. 

As I am hurt by a heartless world, I believe 

This world is populated by porcupines.      

And I cannot conceive 

The thought of continuing without raised defensive lines

That will protect me from puncture wounds 

That poke holes in my dreams

Like the pin-pricked starry sky some midnight in June

But at times, not what it seems. 

Still I carry on

I will be strong 

And bear my own spikes myself. 

As I watch a firy sun set soulful in the west

I imagine a world resurrected from the ashes

A joyful pride rises in my chest

As I imagine healing from the hardest lashes

And bruises life throws this way

As the sun rises each morning, trailed by Hope

We rejoice in the gift of light another day

Meanwhile we have surpassed learning to cope—

We have discovered our wings 

We have learned to fly

We remember the things

That encourage us to try

And help us rise up in beauty and grace

 And enjoy the hope in the sunbeams on our face. 

Day 1: H is for Home...

H is for home, that I share with you

Home is the place where dreams can come true

Dreams are for hearts, so very full of love

Love is divine, and I can't get enough

Divine are the promises in the home made

Promises; some unkept we never forgave

Forgiveness is love, as is patience

Patience takes practice and newfound graces

Practice is hard, wearing my nerves out

Some wear so thin, I think they'll burn out

But with each burn, there is a scar

A new territory, tougher after each mar

H is for home, where there are some trials to go through

But home is where I am with you

And you are what I love, in thick and thin

And with you, I will do it all again

H is for home–

Where I am with you. 

Happy April!

Excuse my prose, but it's April! You know what that means?
National Poetry Writing Month! (Yes, NaPoWriMo)
So, I have accepted the challenge to write (and post) at least one poem every day for the rest of the month. Enjoy all the fun that follows and happy NaPoWriMo!!!
~Mary